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Year One

In Winter.

February 15th

I promised to be here all the days I wasn’t 

You promised to try for me, for you.

March 21st

But she’s in my ear, ghostly whispers of “just keep going” 

And the other one, she’s holding my hand, too.

In Spring.

April 7th.

Sometimes you just need to pass them over 

The love letters you wrote, often sent

April 28th.

What you must have, you’ve had

Delicate tastes and desires, wastes

They’ve made you mad.

April 29th

Controlling the cortex

Brain freeze 

Those hands, their grip on me.

April 30th.

I got full

On rosé

And rose-colored memories

May 3rd.

A little girl runs, a medium girl sprints, and a grown girl

Now stopped.

May 5th.

And hazy skies

With tired eyes 

I watch the airplanes, just upon arrival.

In Summer.

May 25th.

It wasn’t incurable, unstoppable - 

This time, it was just peace;

May 31st.

Where I want to say 

All the things, 

By way of apology.

June 9th.

And I’d like to be

Step by step

Up, and up, and up

July 9th.

“Don’t forget us on the journey 

To becoming you.”

July 15th.

Sober thoughts

Omniscient.

August 25th.

Falling forward, toward new land 

Not free falling down a whole

To that wonderland -

August 26th.

It’s subjective, cruelly objective 

Sometimes pensive, contemplative 

Often persuasive -

In Fall.

September 10th.

And by letting go 

In her current 

I regain control in surrender

October 7th.

Because it's just the ghost of you 

Not the soul of you 

Because it’s loving a false god

© Alex Lohman 2024 

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